Self-esteem is an often talked about concept that I believe is largely misunderstood. Our self-esteem is how our internal beliefs about who we are (our self-concept) are played out in our outward actions or moods. Sometimes our self-esteem, or how we feel about ourselves, is demonstrated in how we treat ourselves. Do we put ourselves down? Do we think we are less than others? Do we feel unworthy of happiness? Do we punish ourselves? Do we feel unworthy of love? Do we feel significant? Do we feel important?
Consider self-esteem from the picture of a flower. The beautiful petals and colorful “top” of the flower is often what we immediately see and focus on. But follow the rest of the plant and see from where it comes. Below the flower is a stem that carries nutrients to the petals allowing for the creation of beauty. Below the stem is the base that is often accompanied by leaves that are not very colorful. Below the base is the root system, or in some cases the bulb, which is not seen. It is from this root system that the top beauty is determined.
Our self-esteem is based on our self-concept or “root system”. The key is to focus on the self-concept. The self-concept is determined by the inner beliefs about our self not our outward appearance. What we believe about ourselves is largely determined by what we do and more specifically by whether or not we do the “right” thing. What we believe who we are is also determined by what we have heard from others as we have grown up, as well as what we have taken to heart about our self from observing our behavior and the experiences we have had and how we have understood those happenings in our thoughts turning them into beliefs.
Sometimes parents and significant caregivers such as grandparents, aunt and uncles, teachers, coaches, etc., provide powerful words that have long term effects on the development of children and young people. I wish I could say that these words are not as powerful as we get older, but self-concept is ever-changing. The old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me!” is anything but the truth. Words never go away and they have a profound influence and impact on us.
One of the first and probably the most important step to changing our self-concept and then our self-esteem is to do the “right” thing all the time. Also we can change self-concept by changing what you are basing it on. Perhaps some of those people who put you down really are not important. They were or are likely struggling with a strong dislike for themselves, so how could they be positive with you. Those people who really care about you and want good things for you are the important ones. Sometimes these people are not who we think they should be. Yes, our parents or relatives “should” be the important ones but…
Our main source of our self-concept should be how God sees us. This will likely come from becoming familiar with and meditating upon what He says about us. The Bible strongly states that we are so valuable and that He loves us so much He sent His son to die for us. God did this just so we could have a relationship with Him. God wants us to know we are valuable to Him. Also, it is important to find those who will share God’s love with us through relationship and investing in our lives with significant words and encouragement. Seek out these people, and do not listen to those who are trying to tear you down.
Pursue significance through a caring, loving relationship with God.
Recommended Reading: Perilous Pursuits by Joseph Stowell
Thank you!
Thanks sis, this is something I deal with every day in the office.
Abolutely well said!! I especially agree that certain things we are told from family members and loved ones, both positive and negative, help shape our self esteem. It is then our jobs to choose to ignore the negativity, or to embrace the positive. Thank you for sharing!!
Thanks for reading. There is a great deal of truth in “we have to make choices” for our best interest. Ignoring negativity is very difficult and I have found it requires ongoing self-training and thought management. Thanks again!
I am at work, but I am glad that I took time to read it. This really hit home with me. As a child in Korea, I was made to believe that I was going to mound up to nothing. I carried that into my adulthood, which caused a hard time for my adopted parents. I believe people rely on science to defy why and what people should or would be. We forget without God, we wouldn’t have science. As I have gotten closer to God I believe that is why I have chosen the career path that I have. It took me awhile, but I’m on God’s time. Thank you for your recommendation to read this article.
Lori, I am glad you have sought God’s timing and leading in your life. He really does have your best interest at heart as He accomplishes His will and mission. You are important and valuable to Him, as well as the rest of mankind regardless of what anyone says. Blessings, and keep pursuing God in your every endeavor. Thanks for reading.
Hello Cousin, we have never met, however I have reconnected with your sister and she forwarded this to me. I struggled with self esteem issues in my younger life. Having an Italian Catholic mother and a Hungarian Jewish father with their own issues and married in the forties wartime shaped our family life. What you are told, how you are woken to and what your taught do shape your belief system.
I have a belief in a higher power however I do not have an organized religion I believe in . Self education, self acceptance takes work. Doing a moral inventory and abiding be rules for a good and healthy life are crucial to doing the right thing. It takes effort to see the positive and believe in self worth and to acknowledge a spiritual healthy mindset. Namaste
Thanks for reading, cousin. The power of an unhealthy self-esteem is very similar to the power of fear in our lives. Both inhibit and impair us, and can be quite debilitating. Yes it is a battle, but we can win. Blessings,
This is well constructed and I enjoyed reading this, I hope you continue to write more positive topics like this one. I will look forward to the next one.
Thanks for reading, Kaitlynn. I do enjoy the writing and hope others do get something of value from them. Keep reading, and blessings in your pursuits.
I needed this as I head out to work tonight. I’m late but this was needed.THANK YOU!!!!
I’m glad it helped. Remember to let the negative go, and always focus on what is true about in God’s eyes.
Good evening, I enjoyed the reading. It made me think of some things I have done or did. The reading was confirmation for me. Thank you so much.
Thanks for reading, Dianna. Keeping a healthy focus of who we are provides a helpful anchor during those challenging times and stressors. You are important and valuable. Blessings and God speed!
Thank you for sharing this with our class. I really enjoyed reading about the positive things we all need in our lives today.
You are most welcome, Lizzie. With all the negativity going on in our world, we must remember the truth to have something real to anchor to. Stay close to the truth.